


Before I Go

by little_assbutt



Series: Supernatural One-Shots [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcoholism, Feels, M/M, Suicide Attempt, apology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 06:41:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6555715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_assbutt/pseuds/little_assbutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 2 of "Muffin Memories"<br/>It's been a year since Castiel left and Dean isn't taking it very well...<br/>(There are triggers, and there should probably be a warning, but I don't know what it is. Read part one first, I will add more tags)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before I Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Major_assbutt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Major_assbutt/gifts), [Mel_the_Assbutt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mel_the_Assbutt/gifts).



> I hope this makes you happy  
> And the point of view does switch  
> Triggers

Prologue  
Castiel left a year ago, and Dean wasn't taking it very well. He spent most of his time in his room drinking. He didn't cry anymore, he hadn't cried in a long time. Every night he prayed to Cas. Begging him to come back. He didn't eat very much, and he didn't sleep. He couldn't stand to look at a trench coat, a muffin, a bumble bee, a pack of Extra Gum, or a jug of milk. All he really did was sit in his room and stare at the wall. And that brings us to the present.

-Dean's POV-  
"Dean you have to come out of there and eat something. You haven't eaten anything in three days," Sam called, knocking on his brother's door. Dean didn't answer. He was hungover, and his green eyes were bloodshot. "I have pie," Dean heard Sam call through the door. Without even realizing what he was doing, Dean punched his wall, leaving a hole. "I don't want the damn pie Sam," he yelled. He heard the sound of Sam's footsteps receding. Dean slid to the floor and put his head in his hands, his eyes burning with tears that he couldn't shed, because he had no more. "Hey Cas it's me again. I just, I really need you man. I'm sorry. I should've said something, but I didn't. Please come home." Dean looked up hopefully, but nobody was there. That would've broken his heart, but there wasn't much left of it anyways. 

-Cas's POV-  
Cas heard Dean's prayer, he heard them all, but he thought Dean needed him for something. He sat at some cafe thinking back to all the prayers. He knew every single one. He sometimes wondered if he had over reacted, but then he remembered the look on Dean's face. A look of utter rejection, a look that made Cas feel like he wasn't wanted, a look that was so startled by the fact that Cas loved him, that he could only assume it meant Dean didn't feel the same. "Do you mind if we sit here sir, all the other tables are full," a voice asked softly. Cas looked up and saw two girls, standing there. They looked to be about 16 and 18. They both had glasses, and one had shoulder length dark purple hair while the others hair was short. Cas was pretty sure it was called a pixie cut. They thanked him and sat down across from him. Cas continued to look out the window. The girls talked quietly for almost ten minutes before looking at him. "I'm Mel, this is my friend Allyson. What's your name," the short-haired girl, Mel asked. Cas thought about lying, but decided against it, "My name is Castiel, my friends call me Cas," he said. "Well Cas, we know absolutely nothing about you, but we feel like somethings wrong. Do you need to talk about it," Allyson asked. Cas looked at the two girls, confused about why they cared so much about someone they didn't know. 

-Dean's POV-  
The next day went the same as every day the past year. Dean rolled out of bed after another sleepless night, and went to grab another beer bottle. He opened the bunker's fridge and found it void of any alcohol. "Sammy, you got any beer," Dean called. His voice sounded hollow and dead, even to himself. Sam walked in and leaned against the door. "Dean, I'm not giving you any beer until you eat some real food. If you keep this up you're going to end up dead," Sam said sternly. Dean glared at his brother and shoved passed him. "Maybe that's what I want," Dean muttered, and he stormed off to his room. He sat on his bed thinking about what he had said to Sam. It was something that he had been considering for a month or so. He wanted it to be over. The sadness, the hole where his heart should be that ate away at him every time his heart would beat. He decided he would give it one last shot, one last prayer. "Cas, if you're even still listening, I need you know more than ever. I'm tired man. I'm ready for it to all be over. But before I go I need to tell you how I feel. Before I go, just let me apologize. Please," he waited for ten minutes, but Cas never showed. Dean pulled a knife off his wall, and held it in his hands... 

-Castiel's POV-  
"...Before I go just let me apologize. Please," Cas shot up from the motel bed when he heard Dean's prayer. This could very well be his last chance to forgive Dean. He thought back to what the two girls had said at the cafe...  
"So did Dean actually reject you or what," Mel asked. Cas stared at the table before answering.  
"That's the problem, he didn't say anything, but I could tell from the look on his face. His silence was enough," Cas responded. His voice cracked a little.  
"And he has called you every day for the past year," Allyson asked.  
"Yes, but he probably just needs me to do him a favor or something."  
"From what you've told us, he seems sincere. I would give him a shot, you never know until you try," Mel said and Allyson just nodded...  
It took him about ten minutes to decide, but he finally decided not to waste his chance. He was about to teleport to the bunker when the door burst open, and a demon charged in. Cas killed him after a brief fight, and quickly headed for the bunker. 

-Dean's POV-  
Dean plunged the knife into his chest, just as Cas appeared in front of him. "Dean what have you done," Cas yelled. Dean smiled at him, and Cas rushed forwards to catch him as he fell. Everything was going black around him but he could still see Cas's face. "Cas, before I go I wanted to tell you I love you, and I'm sorry," he said. Then everything went black.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't stab me, because it's not over yet. I don't think...


End file.
